Omai, no update for February? I am sorry blog, I have abandoned you for a month.
Nothing much happened during my absence in February, except there might be some good news happening in March, I dont know I'm hoping for the best insyAllah. I am on the edge of a thin ice already so I really hope something will come and save me.
On a sidenote,
This is a note for someone ;
Though I dont understand a single thing about the sport that you play (but I always try to come and watch you play) , for you I will.
Though I dont listen to Radio and I hate to listen to Malay songs (I seriously dont know why I hate it but I always try to make myself listen to things that you like because you like it, so I guess it'd be nice if I make myself listen to the songs too when I am with u), for you I will.
Though I dont like to say sorry (even if I'm the one who make the mistakes, and I like to argue but to think that it's not good to argue, I learn to apologize and understand situations from all perspectives), for you I will.
Though my favourite food is burger at Chili's (but something happened to you, you were sick after that and I felt real bad, I promise that I will try not to make us eat at Chili's anymore) , for you I will.
I never felt this good before, when I found you feels like I found myself. For the first time, I found someone I hate leaving, I found someone that I can't get enough off. It's just, I look at you & I see the kind of person I want to share my life with.That is all that matters. fights are nothing when love is involved though we sometimes argue :) Up til today, thank you. Thank you.
It's March already :)
"The answers that you're looking for are closer than you think. They're in your heart. And in the hearts of those who love you." - OTH
It's not because of insecurities, it is because when someone told you about their past then we'd be lying if we say no we don't care about it, yes we do care of course we care but how we take it - how we digest it - how to not store it in our brain - mindf**ked , that is a difficult thing to do.
It's not because we are entering a new life, yes we'd be lying if we say we never fall in love before , that is definitely a lie because we all went through different stages of life. Everyone went through different kind of things before.Some did this some did that, but eventually we realized what we did before dont matter today. All of those things, those thoughts , those people that were involved, were just the past. Who we talked to, we went out with, who we did with, we ate with, we drank with, who we had long conversations with, we held hands with, we kissed with, we hugged with. Those memories, those pictures, those love and gifts, those hearts, those feelings. No matter what, those people were people who made who we are today. Those people were people that taught us how to love, how to appreciate, how to learn, how to live, how to see, how to hate. For me, I never hated anyone who were in my life before, (well maybe 1 or 2) but because of that one person, I learned alot, I once thought that person was the one who I will spent my life with tapi jodoh tak ada diantara kami so it ended. I never hated that person, I will never hate that person. Thank you for everything but to think back, this is my life now.
So it is definitely not because of insecurities, everything is something that we called - the cycle of life. It's like cycling all over again, it's tiring, it's definitely not fun to do the same thing all over again but ended up with nothing at all, it hurts, it's crazy, it's not something that we want. So eventually, at one point it has to be stopped or not things will go all over again, the funny thing is that we can actually stop it with any of those people that were in our past but mission failed, it's not like we didnt try but things...you know.just happened.
At one point, we have to realize, yes we have to realize, maybe it's time to settle down with what we need to have rather than what we want to have. At one point, it's time to get out of our shells and start to live, be serious, have confidence, building trust, doesnt matter what happened before because today is today. Today is not tomorrow and definitely today is not yesterday.
So how do we build confidence now? How are we going to build the trust? We already have the base, we have the things which we need, we have every damn reasons, we have workers. We just need to prepare two things, team work and the plan. If the first plan fails, we move to the second plan, if second plan fails, we move to the third plan, and so on because numbers are neverending.
That's just it.
That's all, if we want to make it happen then the other person needs to feel the same too.
Because, time matters - everything matters - secret matters - people matter - life matters.
And just like that, thats how the journey should starts.
And just like everyone else in this world, we all go through the same thing. We are all keliru-less, so yeas, it's hard but it's not impossible.
"Kalau ini dikatakan fantasi semata mata,
jadikan lah ia realiti,
kerana realiti itu sebenar-benarnya lebih indah dari fantasi,
dalam dirimu begitu banyak benda yang ku mahu rungkaikan,
kalau diberi beribu pilihan,
diberi beribu soalan,
disertakan dengan beribu jawapan,
hanya satu yang aku mahu tahu,
akan kah kau berada dan terus bernafas dalam hidupku"
Not everyone has a decent past, not even me, not even you, not everyone.
Some people choose to tell it, some bury it away, some still living in the past, some can't accept what happened in the past, but almost everyone choose to move on.
We can never erase what happened before, that is something that is certain but we can always always always decide what we should do with the present and let the present paints the future.
Kalau kita tahu kita sedar apa kita buat masa dulu, itu bermakna satu perkara yang baik. Susah untuk kita berubah, perubahan itu perlukan suatu impak yang besar tapi hanya kita yang boleh tentukan samada diri kita nak tolak impak tu atau tidak.
Tiba pada satu saat, kita KENA bagitau kat diri kita, sampai bila sebab setiap orang didunia ini diberi berbagai bagai pilihan untuk dibuat. Kita tak tahu bila ajal kita akan tiba, kalau kita tunggu dan tunggu dan tunggu dan tunggu apa kita dapat. Tak dapat apa apa pun. Kadang-kadang benda macam ni perlukan kita fikir jauh, tapi kalau fikir terlampau jauh itu bahaya juga. Jadi apa kita boleh buat, kita doa-minta petunjuk.
Semua orang tak pernah lari dari kesilapan, biasalah benda benda macam ni buat kita belajar selok belok kehidupan, thats just life. If you dont experience things, macam katak bawah tempurung lah. Pilihan buruk kita masa masa dulu yang buatkan kita jumpa pilihan terbaik. Sebab tu apa yang terjadi,segalanya ada hikmahnya sebab kita ni hanya mampu plan,kita cakap kita mampu pandang sejauhnya, tapi kita takkan pernah tahu apa akan jadi dalam saat seterusnya kita hembuskan nafas.Apa apa boleh terjadi.
Kalau kita sedar, Alhamdulillah tapi kalau sedar tapi nak buat lagi susah jugalah. Apa apa yang kita dapat kita hargai sebaiknya, memberi dan menerima seadilnya, hormat satu sama lain, dan paling penting, sentiasa fikir kan positif sebab tak semua benda itu datang dengan pakej keburukan sahaja, tak semua benda itu datang dengan pakej kebaikan juga. Lain orang lain benda lalui, macam mana kita menerima dan mengubahnya lebih penting. Belajar mengenali satu sama lain, walau apapun akan terjadi, just cherish the moment when you are with that someone because we may never know how long it will last. Semuanya tak pasti, semua bukan kekal tapi bersederhana lah :)
Sometimes, we dont plan on meeting that someone or this someone, it just happen just like that.
For example,I never imagine that I would meet someone like that, a person who is just too different from the world that I am living in, still figuring out why what how did it happened but still without any satisfying answer that could satisfy what I really want to know. Maybe sometimes, things are better left unknown, we follow the flow dibekalkan dengan kesungguhan, mungkin akan jumpa jawapan yang sentiasa bermain di fikiran.
Things that I did , or I wrote or what I typed or what I spoke, was never never ever meant to hurt your feelings maybe what I was trying to say is the other thing but it became the other way around.
Honestly,
I did all that because I am willingly to do that, I dont know why. I was not like this before, but because of you I learn on how to add more sunlight in my life. Because of you, I feel like I'm a new person.
Because of you, I learn to be more open minded regarding things in life. Because of you, I try. I honestly dislike to adapt to new things, I will never ever ever be able to adapt to new things but because you are here today, I am learning everything that I dont know. Because of you, I learn on how to breath the fresh air. Air that I could never imagine I will breath and because of you , I could never imagine what will happen if there's no Because Of You.
I am trying, maybe I tried to express it wrongly . It's really hard to get along with someone, for me it is hard but I hope that it's not impossible when it comes to you.
Money cant buy happiness, that is definitely true but it's good if we can plan on how money can buy us happiness, see, us not me not you but us and I hope you can ride on with me captain! Awak captain saya nakhoda kapal. Ok tak macam tu? Hehe.
So to that someone,
Please work it out together with me, maksud saya, mari kita memandu kapal bersama sama, memandu ke eh? Hehe tapi itulah marilah supaya tak tenggelam macam kapal yang captain dia selamatkan diri dulu tu.
Because to me, you are, someone, that, I, really, care. Always, I would like it to be always so yeas, always :)
